BLACKSAND BLUES

Marley had been asleep for a long time. Long enough that he’d forgotten what it was like to be awake. All he knew now was the dream; one ongoing, infinite dream. In it, Marley walked on the clouds and looked down on the world. He watched as people were born, went to school, got married, and died. He watched entire lifetimes go by, growing more and more envious as time went on. While they’re down there living their lives, he thought, I’m stuck up here with nothing to do but watch like a voyeur. Every voice he heard added lemon juice to his bitter, bitter soup.

One day, Marley heard a new voice. Well, there were always new voices, but this one sounded different. It was louder than the rest, although he couldn’t quite make out what it was saying. It penetrated the sky and wriggled its way into his ears. His physical ears perhaps? Yes, he started to remember that he had a physical form. He could feel his actual legs for the first time in God knows how long. Marley was starting to understand what the voice was saying.

“—der if I should just pull the—”

 Pull the what? Marley wondered. He found the strength to slowly open his eyes. When his vision began to clear, he was greeted by a bright pink room with purple flowers painted on the walls. It was small, and Marley barely fit in it. Wait, where could the voice have possibly come from? Surely no one else could squeeze in here. Marley looked left and right and saw no one.

“I’m down here!” someone said excitedly. Marley followed the voice downwards and saw a bite-sized person, no more than two feet tall, in an oversized white lab coat. Also, they had one eye.

“What the fuck?” Marley yelled. He recoiled back and hit his head against something solid. Marley tried to get up, but his right arm wouldn’t let him. It was strapped to the giant wooden chair that he only now became aware of. Someone had jabbed an IV into the back of his hand. It pumped a bright green liquid into him. Perhaps this was what they were talking about pulling.

“You’re finally awake!” the tiny cyclops said. Their grin extended past the barriers of their face, adding some width to it, as they waved their hands in the air.

“Where am I? What’s going on?” Marley asked. He fumbled with the strap on his arm but failed to undo it. He gave up and slumped in his chair.

“You’ve been asleep for a long time! I found you right when I was reopening my doctor’s office,” they said, putting their stethoscope against Marley’s shin, “You’re my first patient in a while. I’m so glad you survived!”

“Survived…?”

“Yes, unfortunately most of my patients don’t make it, but you’re one of the lucky few! Oh, by the way, I’m Doctor Shicksplock!” They put their hand out. It was quite bold of them to expect a handshake after that. The strap didn’t let Marley reciprocate, so he hit them with the fakest smile he could muster.

I’ve got to get the hell out of here. He scanned his surroundings and noticed a seam in the wall across from him. A door? Or some kind of weak spot? Either way, it was his ticket to freedom.

“Say Doc, since I’m awake…and alive…would you mind getting this thing out of me?” His false smile grew wider and his eyes narrowed as he leaned towards Doctor Shicksplock. Any normal person would catch on to his act, but Doctor Shicksplock was a two-foot-tall cyclops who frequently committed malpractice.

“Oh, of course! How silly of me,” they said as they undid the strap and violently removed the IV from his hand. Shicksplock waddled over to a box in the corner of the room and pulled out a bandage. They returned and slapped it on Marley’s hand, completely missing the spot the needle had been in.

“Great, thanks,” Marley said, widening his smile even more. He got up from the chair and hit his head on the ceiling. Marley stumbled around and heard birds chirping in his head. Once the two Doctor Shicksplocks became one again, he bolted towards freedom. It was then he realized how small the door really was; far too small for him to go through. Before he could regret his decision, he had already destroyed the wall with his shoulder and fallen face first into black sand.

“Not again!” Doctor Shicksplock yelled as Marley lay on the ground. They stacked pieces of debris on each other, but it all just came crumbling back down on them. Marley lifted his head and spit out some sand. The sight of the sky made him dizzy. It was bright green, obnoxiously so, really, with pastel pink clouds; they resembled cotton candy more than clouds. When Marley looked east, he saw the blue sun that confirmed what he’d already guessed: Marley wasn’t home anymore. The hit on the head and the charge through the wall caught up with him, and suddenly he heard his mom calling for him.

“Yeah, mom?” Marley responded, looking up from his laptop. It was covered in logos for bands like Green Day and Reel Big Fish.

“Can you come down? Your father and I want to talk to you.”

“Fine, I’ll be right there,” he said. He knew what was coming, and he really didn’t want to hear it again. He paused his torrent of Phantom of the Paradise and headed downstairs. Predictably, his mom and dad were sitting on the couch, holding each other’s hands and watching every step Marley took. He slumped down next to them, his eyes half open and legs spread apart.

“It’s about college again, isn’t it?” Marley said, exploring his ear with his pinky. His parents looked at each other and his dad sighed.

“Look Mar, we know you have a dream and that you want to pursue it, and that’s wonderful,” his dad started, “But we really think you should finish your education. Just in case.”

“In case of what, Dad? In case no one likes the band? In case we suck?” Marley’s eyes were fully open and he leaned towards his parents.

“No, it’s just, music isn’t the most stable career path, and ska hasn’t been popular in a while—”

“But Dad, look, things are coming back you know? Nostalgia and shit? If Bruno Mars could bring back disco, then we can bring back Ska!”

“Bruno Mars had a steady career though and—that’s not the point! The point is, we want to make sure you have something to fall back on. Just in case things go south, y’know, monetarily,” Marley’s mom said. Marley jolted up from the couch and stormed towards the door.

“You guys never believed in me,” he said. He slammed the door and rushed to his car. Synced perfectly with the sound of his engine starting was the appearance of a tornado touching down right on Marley. The sound of his parents calling out for him was drowned out by the roaring winds and his desperate screams. His head violently slammed into the steering wheel, and from then on the only voices he heard were in his dream.

Marley came back to reality and got up. He turned around and saw Doctor Shicksplock laying under the rubble.

“Oh, right,” he muttered to himself. He walked up to them and kneeled down to their eye level.

“I’m uh…sorry about destroying your office. Let me get that stuff off of you.”

“No, no, it’s alright. He’ll send someone to fix this all up…again,” they responded. The energy in their voice was replaced with fear and disappointment.

“But there’s shit on your back. Don’t you need to eat or something?”

“Leave me here in my shame, I have plenty to eat,” they said, shoveling black sand into their mouth.

“Alright…uh, bye,” Marley said as he walked away.

He had walked for a while until it hit him.

“He?” Marley said. He turned around to go back to Shicksplock’s office, but it was gone. Whether he was just too far away to see it or if someone had taken it, it didn’t matter; he’d screwed up. Marley looked up into the sky of the alien desert and let out a guttural scream.

#

Marley wandered aimlessly for hours before he heard the music. It sounded like two angry robots having very kinky make up sex after one of them found out the other cheated on them with their brother. Marley didn’t have the brain power to question why that was the first thing he thought of, so he put that on the backburner and followed the horrible sound. It wasn’t long until he found a person playing a wireless keyboard in front of a giant clown head. Its giant open smile was probably meant to be inviting, but its yellow teeth and angry eyes gave off the opposite impression. The musician wore a small white oil drum on their head with eye holes cut out and a pig nose strapped on. Their neon yellow jumpsuit had GIRLPIG written on it in bright red letters and she had no shoes on. Hey, at least she was more than two feet tall. Marley regretted leaving Shicksplock without asking any questions, so he approached GIRLPIG.

“Um, hi,” he said. GIRLPIG continued playing her music, her eyes glued to her keyboard. Marley stepped closer and waved his hand over the keys. The music stopped and GIRLPIG slowly raised her head. She stared directly into Marley’s eyes.

“Hey uh, GIRLPIG? I’m lost and I was wondering if you could help me,” he said over his stomach growling. “Also, do you have any food?”

GIRLPIG just kept staring. Marley tried to look away, but his eyes couldn’t escape her magnetic pull. A drop of sweat ran down his forehead, but that was nothing compared to the pond that had formed on his back. The staring contest felt like it went on for hours, and the silence was louder than any scream or robot affair. GIRLPIG finally blinked, forfeiting the contest and breaking the silence.

“I’ve got some food, but you can only eat it if you watch our show,” she said as she packed up her keyboard.

“Yeah that’s fine I guess…did you say our?” GIRLPIG folded up her keyboard and started to walk into the clown’s gaping hell mouth. With a wave of her hand she invited Marley to follow her. He reluctantly followed.

 The clown’s esophagus was a spiral stairway that led into an abyss. The only thing that broke through the darkness was a column of pink light. The flames of the underworld were prettier than Marley ever imagined. Am I dead? Marley wondered to himself. It was more probable than being on an alien planet, or in another dimension. He found himself thinking of Dante’s Inferno, which he had to read in sophomore year at college, and wondered if GIRLPIG was the Virgil to his Dante. What a fuckin’ Virgil to end up with. Whether or not this was hell, Marley would still find a way out. He had unfinished business back on Earth, and he didn’t care if he had to finish things as a person or as a ghost.

When they finally reached the bottom, Marley was greeted by a circular room filled to the brim with posters advertising GIRLPIG and her band’s various concerts. Or at least, he assumed that’s what they were advertising. The words on these posters were written in some alien (or demonic) language that didn’t resemble any Earthly text. Speaking of the band, they were here too, and they were just as strange as GIRLPIG. There was a person wearing a papier mâché mask of a baby and a bright red jumpsuit that said BOYMAN, and a black dog with one eye and six legs. What was it with this place and cyclopes?

“BOYMAN, Rex, we’ve got a show tonight!” GIRLPIG yelled. Marley wasn’t sure why she was so loud; they were all right there and the room wasn’t very big.

“Woof woof, bow wow, let’s get this show on the road baby!” the dog said as he ran around in circles. Of course, the goddamn dog talks. Is that even a dog? Whatever. GIRLPIG showed Marley where his seat was and the band started to prepare for the show. GIRLPIG unfolded her keyboard and BOYMAN grabbed two pans. The dog sat and panted. BOYMAN flipped a switch, turning off the pink light that came from the ground. GIRLPIG started her keyboard solo. It sounded like a synth nightmare trying to intrude on a good night’s sleep. When the solo finished, Rex howled and the lights came back on. BOYMAN started banging his pans together as GIRLPIG played a faster nightmare. Rex barked rhythmically, showing more understanding of music than the other two. Marley’s stomach joined the band, growling to its own beat. This horrendous show went on for about twenty minutes before GIRLPIG’s keyboard died. The band bowed their heads and ghostly clapping came from God knows where. Marley was too distracted by his stomach’s demands to notice it.

“Yeah that was great can I please have some food now?” Marley said as he stood up from his seat.

“I’ll be right back,” GIRLPIG said and went to a nightstand on the other side of the room.

“You like chicken?” she asked. Marley responded with a resounding yes. She returned with a piece of paper that had a chicken drawn on it.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?” he said as he took the drawing from her. 

“Ya eat it, my man!” Rex exclaimed from across the room. Marley clenched his right hand into a fist, and then let it relax. There was nothing to suggest that this was some kind of prank.  Marley squeezed his eyes shut tightly and he brought the piece of paper to his mouth. As he bit down on it, he was transported back to kindergarten when he would accidentally rip a page out of his notebook too hard and eat what was left on the rings. As the paper hit his taste buds, he was transported back to Thanksgiving of 2015. His mom forgot to buy a turkey, so they had rotisserie chicken that year. That was also the year he came out as a trans man to his family, and they accepted him with open arms. He remembered the tornado again, and the better son his parents deserved. Waterfalls poured out of his eyes now, and he sobbed as he shoved the piece of paper into his mouth. GIRLPIG and BOYMAN wrapped their arms around Marley.

“I know, that food paper is some good stuff,” GIRLPIG said. When he finished his chicken-flavored paper, Marley got up and wiped his face. He smiled at GIRLPIG and the rest.

“Thanks guys,” he started, “do you guys know how I can get home?” He told them about the tornado, Doctor Shicksplock, and the good scream he had in the desert.

“If anyone can help you, it’d be the Second Brain. That dude is all brains. When you leave here just walk for two miles south and you’ll see a big ol’ silver crystal. He’s in that,” GIRLPIG told him. Marley thanked her again and started to head out. Although he had a million questions, he kept them to himself; he just wanted to go home as soon as possible. Before he could leave, Marley was stopped by BOYMAN, who gave him a folder filled with pages of different flavored food paper. Marley hugged GIRLPIG and BOYMAN and gave Rex’s head a hearty pat. He waved goodbye and headed up the spiral staircase. If this was Hell, it was way nicer than he expected it to be.

#

The silver crystal penetrated through the cotton candy clouds and kept going. Marley quickly shoved piece of chicken flavored paper into his smile. He approached the crystal and a piece of it slid open. Marley walked in and found total darkness.

“Hello? Is the Second Brain here?” Marley asked, trying but failing to scan the room.

A booming voice said, “Ah Marley, I’ve been expecting you.” The lights came on, revealing the Second Brain in all his glory. He was a giant floating golden brain with two eyeballs connected to him through long cables. Blinding blue lights shot out from his wrinkles, giving the silver walls a blue shine. His eyes lowered to Marley’s level and projected blue light on him. He really was all brains.

“Come, take a seat,” Brain said. A chair formed behind Marley, but he didn’t sit.

“Mr. Brain, I came to ask you if—”

“I know why you’re here,” the Brain interrupted, “I’ve been watching you for a long time. I know everything about you, Marley Branson. I know about the argument with your parents, the tornado, and that you want to go home. However, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

“Why not?” Marley yelled, springing off his chair.

“Because you’re already home, Marley. This is neither an alien world nor hell. This…is Earth.”

“Bullshit!” Marley yelled, “There’s no way this is Earth, there are cyclopes and six legged talking dogs and shit! I don’t know why you’re lying to me, but you’d better stop and take me home!”

The Second Brain sighed and said, “I was afraid this would happen.” A third cable slithered out from under his chrome cerebellum, this one with a suction cup attached to it. The suction cup stuck to Marley’s forehead and he felt something sharp pierce his skin. He saw everything; once again, he was a passive observer, watching lifetimes go by.

He saw a room of scientists fill a room with screens and wires: The First Brain. White men in black suits and soldiers pulled the plugs. New scientists built another computer: The Second Brain. Suits and soldiers again, but the Second Brain was ready. Missiles landed all over the world. Millions dead, billions mutated. A person with green skin and a neon yellow jumpsuit cut eyeholes into a small white oil drum with a pig nose on it. Silver men dropped off a body at Doctor Shicksplock’s office. Marley’s body. He saw himself wake up in the chair, and everything that came after. Then the suction cup came off, and he saw the Second Brain.

 “Why me?”

“I wanted to keep an old school human around. I thought it would be amusing. So, I chose you randomly.”

Marley stood eerily still, his eyes glued to the floor. That was the last interaction he would ever have with his parents. His parents, who had loved and accepted him, who simply wanted the best for him. They weren’t perfect, but they didn’t deserve that. His band was gone. His dreams were crushed. Everything and everyone he ever loved was gone forever. Marley nearly collapsed and then looked up at the Second Brain.

“I wish you’d let me die,” he said, and then he turned around and left the crystal. Outside, he looked at the sky and let out a scream that broke through the clouds.

#

The clown with the hellish mouth had never looked so inviting. Marley went down the spiral staircase and saw the band. They rushed over to greet him and he gave them all a hug.

“Turns out I can’t go home. But…I was wondering if I could join you guys?” GIRLPIG stared into his eyes and he stared back. GIRLPIG lost the staring contest again.

“The more the merrier!” GIRLPIG threw her hands up in the air and the whole band started jumping up and down. Marley watched them dance for a bit before joining in. Everything else may have been taken from him, but maybe his dreams weren’t really gone. He can make music with people who care about him, and that’s all that really mattered at this point.

“I’m going to go back outside for a sec,” he told the rest as he stopped hopping. He went up the spiral staircase and took a seat right in front of the clown. Marley looked past the clouds and into the wild green yonder. Hey Mom and Dad, he thought, I’m sorry about how I left things off. You guys could get a little annoying about the whole Ska band thing, but I get it. You guys cared, and I was a bit of a dick for just storming off. But hey, I’m in a band now! I’m not bringing back Ska, but that’s okay. Maybe it died for a reason. Anyways, I should probably get back to my new friends. New family? I guess we’ll see. Either way, I’m gonna make things work. I’ll see you guys later!

He got up and went back down. His legs were really tired from going up and down the staircase.

“Well, let’s get ready for our next show!” Marley said to his new family.